The Roots / by Katie Alyce

Over the past couple of years my awareness of spiritual, mental, and emotional health has heightened. I have always acknowledged these parts of me throughout my life, but never in unison. I have to dig a little deeper now and find the roots of these realms. Being considered a "product of your environment" is a truly relevant theory. I am firsthand the combination of my parents. I have their genes, strengths, and flaws. I have learned behaviors that I am trapped in, even after realizing them. I have deeply rooted trust issues that stem from childhood and have followed me into many involvements in my adult life. I have handled these conditions how I was taught to handle them. Now I have to handle them my way. Back to the roots. What is causing my insecurity in others and myself? What experiences took place that I still think about or have even suppressed, but they are subconsciously altering how I handle situations and people? These are the things I have to make peace with and let go. I always understood what people meant by "you get what you give" but now I understand more than ever how that relates to my being and the universe. If i give thoughts of betrayal, inadequacy, and pain to the universe, it will fulfill those feelings. If i give thoughts of trust, confidence, and balance, it will fulfill those feelings. The power of the mind is a beautiful thing if you know how to use it. I spent so many years manifesting the opposite of what I want by worrying the worst would happen. I can honestly say I have thought certain situations into existence and hurt myself. So how do I mend those wounds? How do I back track to a state of purity before I created those things? I accept them. I have to accept the changes my past has made to my spirit, my mentality, and my emotions. The hardest part about this  is going to be training my mind into completely letting these things go. I am a very easily triggered person. Certain things bring up bad memories and can interrupt a peace I have already found. I have a lot of uncertainties that are interchangeable and intertwine themselves in many different areas of my life. How I view myself, how I love others, how I let others love me, who I let close, who I push away. Family, friends, and loves included. These are all avenues of life that I struggle with based off not accepting what has already passed. Now is the time for me to really work on these issues and insecurities so that I can find my stability, my place of comfort. I will have to revisit dark places while keeping in mind that is no longer where I am at in life. I will have to really concentrate my mind on overpowering emotions. Harboring suppressed feelings effects your actual health. Am I carrying the weight of my past to the point that my back and shoulders are heavy? When I feel defeated is it stealing my energy and leaving me more tired that usual? Any part of me that is imbalanced will throw off the entire flow of my daily life. I just want peace. I just want control of my thoughts and feelings. I want to be grounded. I am on a new journey because I want a new life. I want to repair my relationship with the universe and provide loving, trusting, and nourishing thoughts. I will water my growth until it has fully bloomed.