I'm Healing / by Katie Alyce

I'm in a transitional phase. I'm realigning my life and my purpose. I'm trying to heal my past. This has been the hardest task for me to complete. I've previously talked about seeking progression in my life, which I have achieved. I'm in a much better position right now than I was a year ago and that is not to go unnoticed. I have found financial stability and general happiness. However, I still have emotional and mental strengthening to do before I am whole. Overall, my life is fine but sometimes my mind can go to dark places and revisit memories that resurface unfinished feelings. When I catch myself revisiting these thoughts I try to focus on something present. How do I feel right now, in this second? Why do I allow myself to feel pain that has already happened? This seems to be a temporary help. However, the most successful practice I have found is yoga followed by a focused meditation. I have to almost physically push the lingering feelings out of my body and spirit. I also know I shouldn't drink until I have a tighter grasp on my emotions. My hate tends to turn into longing when I reach a certain level of inebriation. I really have a false sense of what my life really was for most of my early twenties. My mind can play tricks on me and make me miss certain times that were not pure or long lived. I have had to dawn on things that hurt me to snap back into reality, to remember why those things no longer serve me. I'm having to let go of things I didn't want to lose. Even through all this confusion of emotions, I still feel free. I am a prisoner of my own thoughts, not someone else's and that's what's getting me through. This is all self-inflicted and belongs to me. The ability to heal myself lies in my own power. If I dedicate myself to focusing on what I know is right and true, I will heal. I will be the best version of myself. I truly do not want to harbor hate or bad blood in my heart for anybody. It's a lot easier said than done because when you are crossed, you feel anger, you feel resentment. This only hurts me though. People who have harmed me are not effected by what they've done, I am. That's why I have to really hone in on my deepest self, and heal. I deserve peace. No love lost, it's just time to let it go...