As my personal life took a toll on me I strayed away from writing. Although, I am a blogger and I live to share, some things you just have to go through alone and in private. I still have impulsive, and quite honestly childish, outbursts on social media but I'm working on it. Now that I am in a better headspace I can appreciate life for what it really is. I am still very far away from my overall goals, but the foundation is close in reach. I have spent a lot of time harboring ideas in my head, and every year I say I am going to bring them to life. This is my year. My focus is genuine and concerning me. I am not motivated by pain. I am not motivated by enemies. I am motivated by the progression of myself as a person. I want to taste success, not just dream about it. There really is nothing stopping us from achieving our goals but us. I really had to let that settle in. I am guilty of blaming others and bad experiences for slowing down my own process. I am guilty of letting others determine my worthiness for a greater life. I have eliminated doubt, both self-inflicted and casted upon me. When I think of the things I want to do, I still get nervous. I still worry if it will be embraced or ignored. Will I make a fool of myself? However, I will still be able to say that I did it. I have gotten in touch with a very spiritual side of me within this year and I am serious about practicing a life dedicated to peace and manifestation of thoughts. I'm still me, I'm just trying to be better. That doesn't mean that I won't have to act out if someone has tried me, it just means I will be more strategic in my reactions. I have made a list of goals, which some people find corny and others find helpful, with every intent to begin marking them off as the year progresses. I have been through a lot in my twenties, a hell of a lot to be completely honest. But, I am still here. I have everything required for survival and that alone is a blessing. On top of that I have an imagination, an outlet, and a support system that doesn't get nearly enough credit for their belief in me. I have everything I need to make my day dreams a reality, I just have to do it. Planning, time managing, trial and error will all be a part of this journey. I get discouraged fast, but I am trying to strengthen my mind into channeling that fear into hardcore motivation. I have to believe I am great in order to be great. Nobody in this world can try to chip at or diminish my self-esteem anymore, because I will not believe them. In the book, The Four Agreements it is said that you must be impeccable with your word. If I believe I am powerful, and someone else comes along and makes me believe I am not powerful with their word, they have won. I am not impeccable in my word because I did not stand by the statement "I am powerful". There are too many loving souls that believe in me for me to focus on the black magic of others. I have to respect, love, and nourish myself in order for other people to do the same. I had to raise the standards for my entire life and make some adjustments. I know this shit isn't going to be easy, I'm just looking forward to it being worth it.