Retrospect / by Katie Alyce

I call myself a writer, but I don’t write. I talk, often times too aggressive. I don’t mean to, but I still do it. It’s never right. I do not justify my flaws at this point. I need to fix them all, in moderation. What’s worse than being ignorant? Knowing all and still showing no change. My logic tells me the right thing to do all the time then my emotions create a conflict and I always follow my “heart”. It’s gotten me in nothing but trouble for as long as I’ve lived and have had to experience that decision. I’ve been called smart, I’ve been called stupid, by more than one person so it’s time to really let that marinate. I don’t want to give anybody the chance to question my intellect or ability to think for myself. I’ve done more harm to myself than I can blame my parents, relatives, or loved ones for. I’ve got the surface definitions of a woman; decent place, steady job, transportation. But am I really a woman? Do I transcend the requirements of being a woman? Not even close. I’ve got to stop acting like a hot-headed temperamental girl. I can see myself, I envision her. Who I want to be at 27, where I want to be at 30. I understand gracefulness, respect, and morals but I don’t practice them in every single situation. It shouldn’t be conditional. I want to be proud of who I am as an individual. The core of me has to be pure, at all times. I have to break that barrier we spoke of. Some thing is blocking me and we can’t fathom how. I’m planning to blossom, and I need to focus on what I can actively do myself, for myself, now. Not tomorrow.