I'm Healing by Katie Alyce

I'm in a transitional phase. I'm realigning my life and my purpose. I'm trying to heal my past. This has been the hardest task for me to complete. I've previously talked about seeking progression in my life, which I have achieved. I'm in a much better position right now than I was a year ago and that is not to go unnoticed. I have found financial stability and general happiness. However, I still have emotional and mental strengthening to do before I am whole. Overall, my life is fine but sometimes my mind can go to dark places and revisit memories that resurface unfinished feelings. When I catch myself revisiting these thoughts I try to focus on something present. How do I feel right now, in this second? Why do I allow myself to feel pain that has already happened? This seems to be a temporary help. However, the most successful practice I have found is yoga followed by a focused meditation. I have to almost physically push the lingering feelings out of my body and spirit. I also know I shouldn't drink until I have a tighter grasp on my emotions. My hate tends to turn into longing when I reach a certain level of inebriation. I really have a false sense of what my life really was for most of my early twenties. My mind can play tricks on me and make me miss certain times that were not pure or long lived. I have had to dawn on things that hurt me to snap back into reality, to remember why those things no longer serve me. I'm having to let go of things I didn't want to lose. Even through all this confusion of emotions, I still feel free. I am a prisoner of my own thoughts, not someone else's and that's what's getting me through. This is all self-inflicted and belongs to me. The ability to heal myself lies in my own power. If I dedicate myself to focusing on what I know is right and true, I will heal. I will be the best version of myself. I truly do not want to harbor hate or bad blood in my heart for anybody. It's a lot easier said than done because when you are crossed, you feel anger, you feel resentment. This only hurts me though. People who have harmed me are not effected by what they've done, I am. That's why I have to really hone in on my deepest self, and heal. I deserve peace. No love lost, it's just time to let it go...

I Pray by Katie Alyce

I pray I learn to forgive, as I pray for forgiveness. I pray that I can release the demons that are memories that haunt me. I pray that when I dream it is about things of my future, and not of my past. I pray that I gain control of my emotions. I pray that I see through disguised intentions. I pray that I do not become dark, and evil due to pain. I pray to not desire revenge. I pray that one day my love will be understood and not twisted. I pray for the people I despise, because I am human and I can empathize with your pain as well. I pray for the neglect people have felt. I pray for the betrayal people have felt. I pray that we heal. I pray that my own ill intentions will be progressive, and not reacquainted. I pray that all of our silent critiques of ourselves come to light. I pray that we can be the best example possible. Hurt people love to hurt people. I pray that we overcome that notion. I pray for strength and guidance. I pray to mean what I say and live by it. I pray that you find the ability to look outside of yourself. I pray that you find the ability to let your exhausted defenses rest, and be trusting. I pray you practice and experience compassion. I pray that you cleanse your sins. I pray that we transcend. I pray to release my guilt, insecurities, and grudges. I pray for spiritual freedom. I pray to forgive, I pray for forgiveness...

Stroke That Man's Ego by Katie Alyce

It is common knowledge that a man's ego is one of his most prized possessions. In relationships this can be both a problem, and a benefit. However, women too are egotistical and have different requirements to fulfill this characteristic. Where do couples find the balance? Is it mutually satisfying on both behalves? This is important to keep in mind, but not the focus of this blog post. This post is for the men. Typically, you hear stories of men making a mistake in their partner's eyes and having to go through hell and back to win her love and compassion back. I am guilty of participating in this act. You want me back? Prove it. This same situation applies to our men though, ladies. If you have done something to upset him, cause a subconscious insecurity, or chip at his ego - it is only right to mend him the way you would expect to be. Stroke that ego. Fight for what you love (if it is worth it). Our men deserve to be shown as much dedication and loyalty as women require. I know firsthand it can be hard to bow down, especially when you also have feelings towards certain situations or disagreements. But sometimes you have to. Empathize with him, find understanding in his points, even if they do not coincide with your feelings. Let him know you are hearing his concerns and needs out. They love that shit. I am still a work in progress but I am learning in which cases to side with him, right or wrong. We have to support our partners. We have to listen to them in the same ways we want to be heard. There have been many conversations that unraveled feelings I wasn't aware he had, or things he observed that he was not pleased with. We have to be open to hearing about ourselves, just as much as we tell them about themselves. The most important thing I have learned about relationships is the ability to compromise where it is needed. Now, I'm not saying compromise your morals, desires, or standards. What I am saying is compromise on differences in feelings and approaches to repairing hiccups. When I screw up, I truly feel bad inside. This makes it a bit easier for me to let my defense down and cater to him. Like I said......I am a work in progress, and have needs of my own, but I try to show him I am in tune with his love languages as much as mine. If from here on out we focus on the fact that it would hurt more to lose him, than to bow down and work our problems out with him, we just might make some progress. Of course, this is case by case sensitive, and many factors must be considered. But, if that's your man and you love him and don't want to lose him - stroke that ego, girl. Make him know you're there, you're with it, and not going anywhere. Call him daddy, and rub his back if he's into that kind of thing. Supply that feminine energy that compliments his masculinity. He deserves it. 

The Roots by Katie Alyce

Over the past couple of years my awareness of spiritual, mental, and emotional health has heightened. I have always acknowledged these parts of me throughout my life, but never in unison. I have to dig a little deeper now and find the roots of these realms. Being considered a "product of your environment" is a truly relevant theory. I am firsthand the combination of my parents. I have their genes, strengths, and flaws. I have learned behaviors that I am trapped in, even after realizing them. I have deeply rooted trust issues that stem from childhood and have followed me into many involvements in my adult life. I have handled these conditions how I was taught to handle them. Now I have to handle them my way. Back to the roots. What is causing my insecurity in others and myself? What experiences took place that I still think about or have even suppressed, but they are subconsciously altering how I handle situations and people? These are the things I have to make peace with and let go. I always understood what people meant by "you get what you give" but now I understand more than ever how that relates to my being and the universe. If i give thoughts of betrayal, inadequacy, and pain to the universe, it will fulfill those feelings. If i give thoughts of trust, confidence, and balance, it will fulfill those feelings. The power of the mind is a beautiful thing if you know how to use it. I spent so many years manifesting the opposite of what I want by worrying the worst would happen. I can honestly say I have thought certain situations into existence and hurt myself. So how do I mend those wounds? How do I back track to a state of purity before I created those things? I accept them. I have to accept the changes my past has made to my spirit, my mentality, and my emotions. The hardest part about this  is going to be training my mind into completely letting these things go. I am a very easily triggered person. Certain things bring up bad memories and can interrupt a peace I have already found. I have a lot of uncertainties that are interchangeable and intertwine themselves in many different areas of my life. How I view myself, how I love others, how I let others love me, who I let close, who I push away. Family, friends, and loves included. These are all avenues of life that I struggle with based off not accepting what has already passed. Now is the time for me to really work on these issues and insecurities so that I can find my stability, my place of comfort. I will have to revisit dark places while keeping in mind that is no longer where I am at in life. I will have to really concentrate my mind on overpowering emotions. Harboring suppressed feelings effects your actual health. Am I carrying the weight of my past to the point that my back and shoulders are heavy? When I feel defeated is it stealing my energy and leaving me more tired that usual? Any part of me that is imbalanced will throw off the entire flow of my daily life. I just want peace. I just want control of my thoughts and feelings. I want to be grounded. I am on a new journey because I want a new life. I want to repair my relationship with the universe and provide loving, trusting, and nourishing thoughts. I will water my growth until it has fully bloomed. 

Certainty by Katie Alyce

I'm guilty of letting my temporary situations give me a false sense of uncertainty. I will believe my life in its entirety is off track if I have even the slightest feeling of doubt in any area of my life. If my goals are off track, I feel uncertain, if my love life is off track, I feel uncertain, if my day job is off track, I feel uncertain. However, time and time again situations like this prove to be temporary. I may be behind on my own timeline, but it doesn't mean my goals aren't still attainable. I may get into a petty argument, it doesn't mean I'm not loved. I may have a rough day at my job, but that has nothing to do with my life outside of the office. I have to realize that I am capable of always being secure, so long as I don't let momentary emotional changes alter how I view my life. I have to really focus on having tunnel vision. Only I know how important achieving my short term goals are. It is my responsibility to get them done, to my satisfaction. I haven't been going hard. I've been my situation, I haven't created my situation. The first quarter wasn't everything I expected, but it was far from a fail. I still have all of 2017 to reach the list of goals I determined for myself. Although there are definitely things I could've avoided, I'm not currently displeased with how these first few months turned out. I have to experience hardship or I will never have something to compare this productivity to. I would have nothing to compare my happiness to. Sometimes I have to really see the potential of losing to motivate me to win. That's all I want to do. I don't want to harbor negativity or ill feelings. I want to pursue my dreams, make substantial money, and live freely. I want to indulge in my creativity so much that others can't help but acknowledge it. I'm forever speaking on wanting to get these ideas off, and I will. Now is the time. 

It's About Right Now by Katie Alyce

I have always had a strong sense of memory. I remember everything that's ever felt new. New happiness, new pain, new fear, I remember them all. Having a vivid memory isn't always a benefit. It allows you to revisit the past. It allows you to feel things you wish to forget. It can play tricks on you. I told myself I wouldn't spend another year on regrets, and I have been holding myself to that. I have so much to be grateful for in the present, that it is so easy to want to let go of the past. I used to harbor emotions and memories, thinking that it would help remind me to never experience those feelings again. This was hindering me. I was blocking my own blessings. I cannot welcome forgiveness and love if I do not practice it. I now try my hardest to focus on what is important to me right now, in this very moment. I want to focus on where my life is headed, and not the obstacles of my past. I still get complacent, I get comfortable, I don't dedicate my time to my goals. I don't support those aspects, but I can admit that I am happier these days. The weight of life isn't so heavy on me anymore. I can laugh, I can look forward to things, I can control my own life. The unexpected always comes, but now it doesn't take over me like it used to. I'm always going to get anxious, that's just me. I'm wired that way. But the roadblocks are easier to surpass. I feel confident about the year of 2017 and what is in store for myself and those around me. I'm honestly inspired. I see creativity pouring out of everyone close to me, and it is exciting. I said in my last post this is the year of work, but this is also the year of win. I'm ready.

The Year of Work by Katie Alyce

As my personal life took a toll on me I strayed away from writing. Although, I am a blogger and I live to share, some things you just have to go through alone and in private. I still have impulsive, and quite honestly childish, outbursts on social media but I'm working on it. Now that I am in a better headspace I can appreciate life for what it really is. I am still very far away from my overall goals, but the foundation is close in reach. I have spent a lot of time harboring ideas in my head, and every year I say I am going to bring them to life. This is my year. My focus is genuine and concerning me. I am not motivated by pain. I am not motivated by enemies. I am motivated by the progression of myself as a person. I want to taste success, not just dream about it. There really is nothing stopping us from achieving our goals but us. I really had to let that settle in. I am guilty of blaming others and bad experiences for slowing down my own process. I am guilty of letting others determine my worthiness for a greater life. I have eliminated doubt, both self-inflicted and casted upon me. When I think of the things I want to do, I still get nervous. I still worry if it will be embraced or ignored. Will I make a fool of myself? However, I will still be able to say that I did it. I have gotten in touch with a very spiritual side of me within this year and I am serious about practicing a life dedicated to peace and manifestation of thoughts. I'm still me, I'm just trying to be better. That doesn't mean that I won't have to act out if someone has tried me, it just means I will be more strategic in my reactions. I have made a list of goals, which some people find corny and others find helpful, with every intent to begin marking them off as the year progresses. I have been through a lot in my twenties, a hell of a lot to be completely honest. But, I am still here. I have everything required for survival and that alone is a blessing. On top of that I have an imagination, an outlet, and a support system that doesn't get nearly enough credit for their belief in me. I have everything I need to make my day dreams a reality, I just have to do it. Planning, time managing, trial and error will all be a part of this journey. I get discouraged fast, but I am trying to strengthen my mind into channeling that fear into hardcore motivation. I have to believe I am great in order to be great. Nobody in this world can try to chip at or diminish my self-esteem anymore, because I will not believe them. In the book, The Four Agreements it is said that you must be impeccable with your word. If I believe I am powerful, and someone else comes along and makes me believe I am not powerful with their word, they have won. I am not impeccable in my word because I did not stand by the statement "I am powerful". There are too many loving souls that believe in me for me to focus on the black magic of others. I have to respect, love, and nourish myself in order for other people to do the same. I had to raise the standards for my entire life and make some adjustments. I know this shit isn't going to be easy, I'm just looking forward to it being worth it. 

To Dylan & Sofia by Katie Alyce

You are going to reach moments of feeling anger, feeling pain, be open about these feelings. Do not try to bottle them or hide them. Share them, work them out with whoever has made you feel that way. Even if it is your parents. Use your voice, use your words. You do not have to use vulgar or hurtful language to make your points. Be kind to people, even if they have not been kind to you. You cannot determine the actions of others, you are only responsible for your reaction. Always think about “what’s next?” to anything you do. Will the following result of your decisions be negative or positive? Go through your feelings, whether that be happy, mad, upset, hurt, or at peace. You are allowed to feel, do not ever let anyone make you feel like you cannot. You are also allowed to be vocal about your disappointments, but do it with respect. Do not be a follower, do not feel like you have to fit in, be yourself. There is no “perfect” way of living. You decide what makes you feel happiest in life and you run with it. Please listen to your parents, even when you think they are wrong, they will always have your best interest at heart. We all love you so much, and when you are too scared to ask for help, don’t be. We will never let you fail. When something you used to like, or want in your life is no longer benefitting you, it is okay to let things and people go. You do not have to participate in anything you do not want to, under any circumstance. You make your own choices. Always choose to be happy. When you aren’t happy, understand that it is only temporary. Every single thing in life is temporary, unless you decide to make it permanent. When people try to comfort you by saying “things will get better”, believe them. Trust me baby, life always gets better with time you just have to be open enough to achieve it. You will get your heartbroken, maybe even more than once, do not let that make you give up on love. There are tons of different people, with different motives that will enter and leave your life. Let them. The ones worthy of your friendship will stay. You are going to break hearts, maybe even more than once. Learn from this. Learn to be a better partner. And be empathetic and understanding to the other party, but remember, you do not have to stay. Try your hardest to not make the same mistakes as your father, your grandfather, or me. We are the wild cards of the family and it has landed us in some uncomfortable situations. Be wiser than us, be an example to us. If you ever feel like you have made the biggest mistake in your life, do not be scared to come to us for guidance without judgement. We just want you to be great. Do not limit yourself, do not categorize yourself, and do not compare yourself to others. You are unique, you are brilliant in your own right, and you are perfectly fine just the way you are. Overtime you will find character and physical flaws within yourself, everybody does, because nobody is perfect. When you discover these things, want to change them, even if you think you cannot. You can change. Be optimistic, do not view life with a chip on your shoulder. You both are filled with so much life and creativity at the ages of seven and four, I never want to see that diminish. You are intelligent, you are aware, and you are deserving. I cannot wait to see the people you blossom into. I know I will be proud…